Of Hotdogs, Villans, and Dastardly Plots
by Blaue Schwertlilie
Summary: Villans try to take over Garden! Can Hotdog Man save the day? Much siliness.


The Adventures of Super-Sexy-Blonde-Guy-Who's-Not-Zell and Horny-Dude  
  
Kitto OK asked me to write this, so here it is. Basicly, this is just a spoof of the old Batman serials, with a little Sailor Moon spoofing tossed in for good measure. Horny-Dude (Tanku) and Super-Sexy (Seifer) are the villians, who don't have anything to do, and are currently lounging in their headquarters on the MD level. Their enemies are Hotdog-Man (Zell), Leather Woman (Celerai), and Super-Macho-Ladies'-Man (Irvine), who try to protect Garden and it's inhabitants. This is set sometime after Ultimecia's defeat, Seifer's been accepted back into Garden, and Squall's still Commander/Headmaster.  
  
Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy VIII characters and settings belong to Squaresoft, not me. Celerai/Leather Woman & Tanku/Horny-Dude and the other super hero/villian secret identities belong to Kitto OK. Dark Woman is mine. And in case you're wondering what she looks like, it's almost exactly like Trinity in the lobby fight scene in the Matrix (which also doesn't belong to me), except taller and with longer and browner hair.  
  
Kitto's site - http://www.geocities.com/sephirothwithcheese/weird.html - has a picture of Tanku, but look at it this way: he's tallish, got blue skin, purple hair, big dragon feet, and wings.  
  
**** means a break in the scene  
_ [word/s] _ means there were supposed to be italics, but my computer won't let me put them in.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
~~~  
  
It was a boring day at headquarters. Super-Sexy-Blonde-Guy-Who's-Not-Zell (hereafter reffered to as "Super-Sexy") was practicing with his gunblade on a cardboard cutout of Hotdog-Man, and Horny-Dude was watching some of his ... videos.  
  
"So, what are we going to do today, Horny-Dude?" Super-Sexy asked.  
  
Horny-Dude didn't hear him, as he was too absorbed by his video.  
  
So Super-Sexy shot a Firaga at the TV to get Horny-Dude's attention.  
  
It worked.  
  
Horny-Dude jumped up. "What the hell was that for? It was just getting good!"  
  
Super-Sexy lay the gunblade over his shoulder. "You wouldn't listen to me. So I ask again, what are we going to do today?"  
  
Horny-Dude looked forelornely at the TV. "Well, I _was_ going to watch some more videos...."  
  
Dark Woman walked through one of the walls, startling the other two half to death. "Idiots. Can't you think of something better to do?"  
  
Super-Sexy blinked a couple of times. No matter how many times he had seen Ultimecia do the same trick, it threw him. "I wish you wouldn't do that...." he muttered.  
  
Dark woman arched an eyebrow. "Do what?" she asked mock-innocently.  
  
Super-Sexy raised his hands defensively. "Nothing, nothing."  
  
Dark Woman glanced at the TV, then turned back to the others, hiding a smile. "Why don't you try to do something useful, like try and take over Garden?"  
  
Super-Sexy just looked at her. "Why?"  
  
She shrugged. "It'd be fun. And Hot-Dog Man will probably show up, so you can punch his face in."  
  
Super-Sexy and Horny-Dude smiled evilly. "Sounds good," Super-Sexy said.   
"Same here," said Horny-Dude.  
  
"Good," Dark Woman said. "I'll leave you to it, then." She walked through the opposite wall and disappeared.   
  
Super-Sexy and Horny-Dude blinked. Several times. "Damn, I hate it when she does that," Horny-Dude said. Super-Sexy nodded in agreement.  
  
"So, how are we going to take over?" Super-Sexy asked.  
  
They thought for a minute.  
  
The minute turned into many minutes.  
  
The many minutes turned into half an hour.   
  
Finally they looked at eachother. "I have an idea..." Super-Sexy said.  
  
Horny-Dude snorted. "Took you long enough."  
  
Super-Sexy's eyes flashed. "I didn't hear _you_ making any suggestions, Guy-Who's-So-Horny-Because-He-can't-Get-A-Girl."  
  
Things went downhill from there, and it was an hour before they stopped fighting/arguing/slapping, and that was only because their civillian identities had to go to class. When they met up at HQ after detention (for being late), Super-Sexy sketched out a plan, Horny-Dude agreed to it, and they went to work.  
  
~~~  
  
Questions? Comments? Concerns? Flames? Review! 


End file.
